Testosterone Boys
by hello freak show
Summary: After Sam loses his virginity, he’s very pleased to know that Charlie hasn’t yet. Sam doesn’t think that Charlie has it in him to have sex by next Friday- the bet is on! Beginning of possibly a Sam and Charlie mini-oneshot-series!
1. Let's take it from the top!

_Testesterone Boys…_

SUM:After Sam loses his virginity, he's very pleased to know that Charlie hasn't yet. Sam doesn't think that Charlie has it in him to have sex with his girlfriend by next Friday- the bet is on! Beginning of possibly a Sam and Charlie mini-oneshot-series!

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Sam didn't stop humming the song that was playing on the radio when he got out of his car and walked-practically floated to his front door. What time was it? around 4:00! He beamed when he read the letters on his watch. Never had he stayed out so late with Elle- but he'd never done anything with her those times either. Now, Sam was proud to call himself a man without virginity! He could still feel beads of sweat resting on his chest hairs, on the back of his neck, down the inside of his legs. He loved the feeling. It would be a sad moment whn his mom made him shower.

"Hmm, hmm, hmm hm hmmmmmm"

He hummed quieter, as so not to wake the sleeping family inside as he unlocked and opened the door to the house- the 'big house' as his sister Karen called it. Quietly, stealthily, he slipped through the door. He held ground for a second, listening for any living awake sounds, then commenced tip-toeing into the dark kitchen. The mansion was so creepy at night. He wondered if Ben Brewer's ghost was in the kitchen with him. That just about scared him silly, so he just started _running_ for his room-

"BOO!"

"AUUGGGH!!"

"Sam!"

"Charlie! Charlie?"

"Shhh!!"

"Sorry." Sam muttered, giving in. So he'd been caught.

"Where have you been!?" Charlie demanded, turning bright red with anger. "I've been sitting here all night! You better have a really good story to tell me-."

"Oh wouldn't you like to know." Sam said smuggly, removing his scarf.

"Sam…"

Sam grinned unwaveringly. "You know Charlie-." He walked up to his older brother, behind the kichen counter. "Elle's bra was the exact same color as your face right now." He winked, and Charlie's mouth fell open. "No, wait-." Sam added, "That was what was _under_ the bra."

"Sam, you weren't-you didn't- you wouldn't- you couldn't!"

"I _was_, I _did_, I _would_, and I _could_."

"But you're the sophomore class president!"

"Oh, you should've heard what the chief of commerence did!"

"Yeah, but that's Tyler and you know him- but you- _my baby brother_- wait, with Elle?"

"No, with Hannie Papadakis from across the street. _Of course Elle_!"

"Oh my god Sam…" Charlie fell back in chair, his hand over his heart. "My little brother…"

"It's not that big of a deal, drama queen. Not like I haven't done it before…" Sam was lying through his, teeth, but he hoped it would be harder to see in the dark.

"WHAT!?" Good, the dark was working it's magic. "Who!? When!?"

"Oh, Tiana, Luisa, Stacey…"

"Stacey. No, I don't believe that." Charlie realizied his leg was being pulled.

"Believe what you want. But I _did_ do it with Elle…More than I can say for you."

"Oh, yeah? What do you mean by that?"

"_I mean_, the fact that chicks seem to be more, shall we say, _attrachted_, to me than to you." He shrugged, as though the fact was as obvious as the darkness that Charlie couldn't see him shrugging in.

"Oh, excuse me? Little bro-." He got right up, and felt through the dark until he found the little tramp. "Let's get this straight. You, child- are short, stout, _hairy_, and chubby."

"And sexy." Sam muttered. If Charlie had heard, he was ignoring him. "AND you're hardly even the age to be doing things like that. But, me, however, I'm the captain of the football team, I'm 6'2- and I have a six pack to match." He lifted up his shirt up to prove it, but there wasn't mush to prove in the dark. "Yeah, that's great Char. But, you're still a vigrin, right?"

Now Charlie was quiet. The quiet, however, was spoiled with Sam's hearty laugh. "HA! I have that over you!"

"Whatever, sam…"

"You know, what?" Now Sam was getting cocky. –er. "I bet you couldn't get a girl in bed with you if you tried!"

"Please, child. This doesn't sound like a bet does it? You're just wasting your money-."

"My money? No, if I win- you have to write 'my brother has screwed more girls than me' as your quote in the year book!"

"And, if I win…_you _have to write 'Your class president is a man-whore' as _your _quote in the year book!"

"You're on!"

so they both left the kitchen for their bedrooms, running through their excited new thoughts-

'_What did I get myself into? Lorelei isn't going to go for this. What can I do?!'_ [Lorelei is Charlie's girlfriend I made up 

'_Hm, I wonder if we have any of last nights fried chicken left over?'_

TO B CONTINUED!

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	2. And their harlequin girls

Chapter dos. (2)

Yes-s. I am SO starting a Sam and Charlie mini-series. After I finish this story, I'll do two oneshots about Karen, Charlie, and Sam. Gunna be awsomee!!

Thanks a billion, the epitome of randomness! And joe jonas lover009. Y'all rock!

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Charlie checked himself in the hall mirror at least six times before he left on his date with Lorelei. He knew it was a 'preppish' thing to do, but he didn't care- everything had to be perfect tonight. Tonight was the night he did it. They did it. Whatever. He was meeting her at the drive-in movie, and Charlie had told her they could see whatever movie she wanted- that it was her night. What girl wouldn't melt at the words? He spritzed himself with some of Watson's cologne, deciding to go for something more manly than his cheap stuff. Or maybe just so he couldn't smell his own sweat. As unbelievable as it sounds- Charlie was nervous. Nervous his genius plan at getting Lorelei to- er, 'conceive' with him wouldn't work out as well has plan. Lorelei, with her Asian eyes and long dark hair, was one of those girls you like for who they are, not what they have. Charlie was scared that, well, she wouldn't want to do it with him, and then it would ruin the relationship, and she'd be mad at him…

"Hey, brotha." Sam snapped him out of his thoughts as he walked into the room. "Oh, god-." Sam waved around the chicken leg he was holding. "What died in here?"

"What?"

"You stink."

"It's _cologne._" He paused. "_Sophisticated_ cologne."

"I should've known." Sam gnawed another ligament off his chicken leg. "And hey-." He smushed a secret something into Charlie's hand. "You're gonna need this." And left before he could say anything back. Charlie unfelt his hand- a condom. Oh. "Ya think of everything, don't you!?" He hollered into the hallways, not really caring if Sam heard him or not.

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"BYE MOM! I'M SLEEPING OVER AT JAKE'S!" Charlie called as he left the house. It was a perfect fall night. He walked his way over to the drive-in theater.

"Heya, Lorelei." Charlie said sweetly as he ducked into her car. It was actually her father's pick-up, but they used it for movie dates and things. That was when it occurred to Charlie that doing it in her father's pick-up was really wrong, but the thought disappeared as he leaned over to kiss her cheek. He settled in next to her, feeling positive- and a little nervous.

"So, what movie are we seeing?"

Lorelei giggled. "I already told you. _Six times_! Muppets, in Manhattan-"

"Well, you know it's not the movie I care about." He smiled. Then he realized that Muppets meant kids and kids meant that all of those mini-vans parked around them meant parents and parents meant kids again- suddenly Charlie wondered if he really should go along with what he was planning for the night.

She smiled back. "You are too sweet Charlie. And having this whole evening for me- really, you're just so adorable."

He just couldn't stop smiling! She leaned into kiss him, and he remembered what he was planning for tonight. For a moment, he didn't think it was such a good idea…then he remembered Sam's cocky little grin- and kissed her harder. They held it like that, for a minute, before she started to snake away. Charlie didn't let her, and she forgot about it. Later, deeper into the kiss, he reached his hand underneath her flowy yellow shirt and touched her stomach lightly. _'Hey, that wasn't so hard.' _He thought, getting a little cocky and reaching up toward her chest. She pulled away for a second. "Charlie-what are you doing-."

"Nothing. Just kiss me-."

He pulled her closer, and reached further up her shirt. She tried to pull away again, but Charlie stopped her this time. Finally, she struggled off of him. "Charlie, stop it!!"

"I'm not doing anything-." He reached around her hip, feeling himself getting angry now. It wasn't about the stupid bet anymore. He was mad because she wouldn't let him touch her, and heck yes, he wanted to!

"Lorelei-." He said gruffly, as she pulled away from him. "You know what Charlie? You're acting like a real jerk!" she cried, close to tears. He was too mad to tell. He tried to grab her again-, which was probably the stupidest thing he'd ever do. "GET OUT CHARLIE!" Lorelei cried- the tears kind, kicking open the door behind Charlie…he tumbled out. And on to the concrete ground. If you've ever been in a pick-up truck, you know how long that fall is."Oof-." He hit his head hard, and took him a minute to recollect himself and get up. By then, Lorelei and her father's pick-up were gone. "Ohh…" Partly because he probably wasn't mentally settled as normal from hitting his head, partly because of what just happened, and partly because of his teenage hormones, he stood up, burning hell mad. He stumbled blindly out of the theater into the darkness of night, less and less consciencely aware of himself with every step. His head throbbed, making him madder, and he couldn't see where he was going- what time was it!? One street lamp lit up the sidewalk. He tried to read the street signs, but everything looked fuzzy- and red. "Erg…" He stumbled back-wards, on to a bench.

"Charlie? Is that you?"

"Huh?" His voice came out all growly.

"Charlie!?"

"Elle?"

"Charlie! Are you all right? You're bleeding!"

He tried to concentrate on the silhouette in front of him. It was Elle, alright- long red-velvet nails, light brunette hair, hourglass figure. Sam's girlfriend.

"Yes, it's me- here, Charlie, let me help you-."

"Ow-ow-." She helped him off the bench. Each polished finger hit him with little lightning bolts.

"Here, my house is right down here…"

As they walked away, Charlie snaked his arm around her waist- maybe he would win the bet after all.

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	3. He tastes like you only sweeter

Yes-s. This is my favorite chapter! U ya like. R&R, rest&relax, read&review:-) 4 That Sam/Charlie mini-seires, the next story will be about Charlie, in college, and Sam and Karen (mostly Karen) at home, missing him. It wil be a song fic (ooh!) to Miley Cyrus's song, I Miss You. Gunna b adorable!!

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"Errrrggghh…." Charlie moaned as he rolled over on to his back, waking up. What time was it? Where was he? Why did his head hurt so much….wait, where were his clothes!? Charlie had never woken up not remembering the night before before. He gave himself a minute, and his head throbbed harder as he pulled back the memory.

Oh.

He remembered now.

He was in bed with Elle, Sam's girlfriend.

Woe, now repeat that again and add an exclaimation point!

"-Elle-." He turned over again to face her, about to say something apologetic before she pressed her face to his and kissed him. "Morning."

"Hi…" He snapped himself out of it, before he got back any further with her- ah, what the heck?

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Just minutes later, (yeah, I really needed block for that.) Elle stopped, and pulled herself off of Charlie. "Hey- did, did you hear that?"

"Hear wha-." He heard it. A car door slam. Jingling keys. "Are you parents home!?"

"I don't know, they're not supposed to-."

"Sam told me they went away until Friday-."

"Sam?"

"Yeah, Sa-."

"Sam!" She lept out of the bed before Charlie could even react.

"Omigod, omigod…" she repeated, gathering her clothes. "Charlie, get up! Get dressed!"

"What-."

"I told Sam he could pick up the stuff for the project this morning! Omigod…." She put her bra and underwear back up, as Charlie found his jeans and boxers. He was just beginning to put them on, when foot steps started to come from the hallway. (no that needed a !)

"_He's coming!" _she mouthed, yes, freaking out. She jumped up across the bed, and put her palms against Charlie's chest to shove him into the closet-

Whoosh.

He's he-re.

Sam in the doorway. He took two steps into the room, not really paying attention- then, snap. Two steps back.The Color drained from his face. His throat closed up. His stomach tighted. His brain froze.

Because uh, hello!

Elle. Bra. Under garments. Red. Nails. On. Charlie's. Chest. Charlie. In. Yellow-ducky. boxers.

"Hey, uh, Sam." Charlie said meekly, becoming the oppisite of charlie, his face bright red, his stomach lose and jumping around, his mind reeling. This was not good.

"Hello. Charlie.Elle." Sam said through grinted teeth. Noone said anything. else. Sam took those two steps again, and then more, until he'd pushed Elle out of the way and was standing in front of his brother, and came so close to him, that their noses almost touched. Charlie thought he saw a glint of tears in Sam's right eye.

"Hello. Brother." Sam said, in the same voice as before…before smacking Charlie so hard he fell back into a night stand and broke a china lamp. By then, Sam was long gone.

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More later. Off to play practice, see y'all!


	4. Ten Feet Off The Ground

Well…here we go again! LoL. The last chapter! tears tee hee, let's go!

Oh, BTW: Did you notice that I named the chapters with song lyrics? The first one : Let's Take It From The top: from Misery business by paramore: The 2nd one: And their harelquin girls lying is the most fun from panic! At the disco, well continuing the titile of the story, lol..um, then the fall out boy lyric from thnks 4 th mmrs and this one, from timbaland's apologize….. Lol, lez go!

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"Where's Sam?"

Charlie cried, running into the house a mess, his hair scattered, his shirt on backwards, his head and shoulders covered in cuts and bruises, and his clothes stained with blood. Unless he had some kind of miracle cure, most people wouldn't be asking for Sam at a time like this.

"He's- he's in David Michael's room what happened to you Charlie?" His mother responded quickly.

"Um, fight at Jake's-." He responded _quicker_, running for the stairs.

"Sam-." He said, out of breath, reaching the foot of David Michael's rocket ship pattern carpet. Sam didn't repsond, or take his eyes off of the nintendo game he was playing.

"-You know we have to talk."

If he did, he didn't say so.

"Sam, I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have-."

"Oh, you don't say? Well, if you don't have the forest key to unlock Zelda's hidden castle, then I don't want to hear it. buh-bye."

Aleast he was talking.

"You can't ignore me forever…"

"Do you want another bruise?"

"Guys, are you _fighting_?"

Of course, that wasn't Charlie, that was Karen.

"Karen, get lost." Sam swatted.

"I'm telling!"

"Sam! That wasn't nice!"

"You would know!"

"Oh my god! I came in here to apologize!"

"Apology not accepted!"

"You don't even know my side of the story!"

"Of course I do! Lorelei wouldn't have sex with you so you found _my girlfriend_ and got what you wanted! Isn't that right?"

"No, of course not, that's-that's- oh. That is right."

Sam glued his eyes back to the screen.

"Well…Sam…it's pretty useless to be mad at me… I wasn't exactly the only one who did something wrong last night."

More ignorance.

"It's not like you're going to go back to Elle after all this, right? I mean, what means more to you- some slutty girl or your own brother?"

"Do I really have to answer that?"  
"Sam…"

"Oh, alright. I guess you're right." He sighed and put down the controller.

"And, I'll forgive you, only if…if, if You put, 'The captain of the SHS football team, who wears yellow-ducky boxers with little blue bubbles'!"

Charlie grimaced,seeing that coming.

"Fine…but wait, I have _another_ idea…."

That year's SHS year book was the most intesreting year book since 1992.

_Charlie Thomas._

_Capt. Of SHS football team. _

_Wears yellow ducky boxers. _

_Elle Woods._

_Dance Club President_.

_Eats fried monkey brains._

Some boys never grow up. ◘

THE END


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